It’s been a while since I’ve sat and written a normal blog
post. I’ve been distracted making YouTube videos and for a while, was pretty
consistent with my TwitchTV channel. I blog nearly daily on
Patreon so you’re
always welcome to go over there.
As I’ve been getting used to my new digs, I’ve been doing a
lot of self-exploration. I’m really forced to look at myself and my actions these
days as I live in an open concept apartment. This means that there are no
walls, no place to “hide my crap.”
I’ve been really proud of how much I’ve let go these past ten
years. Material and emotional. I’ve thrown out a house full of stuff. I
continue to throw out stuff I never thought I’d part with in a million years but
now I know, none of it means anything. By “throw out” I mean donate, unless it’s
broken and unusable. I refuse to rent a storage unit anymore. I want to only
have the stuff I need and of course, my toys and photos and manuscripts.
I’ve come to terms with letting go of my beloved books.
I visualize my book collections out in the world, being read
by people who are excited to read them instead of me hoarding them in my dragon’s
lair. I continue to let go of more books all the time. I never throw them in
the garbage. I take them to charity places and now I have people who are taking
them, and the ones they don’t want, they will take to charity. Why do I need
thousands of books to stare at every day? I don’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I will still likely have over 1000 books
by the time I’m finished. Those can’t be helped. Books written and signed to me
by friends and celebrities. They add up over thirty years!
My world continues to be rocked as I return to the spiritual
roots I was exploring in the early 2000s before I took the wrong turn at Albuquerque
and got derailed for nearly twenty years! But every day is a lesson and a
blessing. We need to learn from our actions and face ourselves in the mirror
eventually. I’m learning. And now, so many great things have been happening
this past year, I really am excited for 2020.
My judgment day came about ten years ago, and I wasn’t too
pleased with who I saw in the mirror.
So I’ve spent a few years doing a deep and not so pleasant
dive into who I’ve been turning into and who are really friends and my
lifestyle habits. Some stuff was fine, other stuff, not so much. As the kids
were adults, I finally had time to breathe, to just think about me, which is still
hard, admittedly, but instead of being a mombot, I had to mutate to the next level.
But these days, the past year or so, I really like who I
see. Maybe it’s age…that wisdom that makes us crones, maybe it was the very
hard life lessons I learned along the way, maybe it’s my quest for meaning and curiosity
about life not just here in Toronto but everywhere, from middle earth to the
deepest trenches in the sea, to beyond the second star to the right, beyond the
limits of any galaxies. My mind is caught up in the Big Picture and beyond instead of
worrying about trivialities and pettiness and material possessions. I have a place
to live in one of my favourite cities in a first world country.
What’s to
complain about?
But whatever is going on in my head, I think I’m finally “getting
it.”
My gratitude for my life thus far has no bounds.
A lot of those revelations are freeing and it’s one thing to
kind of know them but it’s another to know them at a cellular level. Freeing
and in my former life, I would have seen some ideas as depressing. Now I just
say, “knowledge is power.” My favourite saying lately is something like, “We
don’t know what we don’t know until we know that we don’t know it.”
We all live, and we die.
We all make mistakes.
We all want what we want.
Not everyone is your friend.
Maybe no one is your friend.
Maybe no one is meant to have friends.
Toxic people do, in fact, show themselves from the start.
Some people are born toxic.
Some go through phases of toxic.
Some grow toxic through unexpected life changes and
transference of power.
Some can learn how to shed their toxic skins.
Some will never admit that they are the toxic ones.
Toxic people are never sorry.
Toxic people will always blame others.
Transformation is possible with a lot of will and work.
Some toxic people can never change.
The less contact with toxic people, the better.
Positive energy attracts positive energy.
Words have power.
Attitude has power.
Time is a construct.
Trust no one.
Trust your first gut feelings.
Don't be afraid to say no.
I am the Star of my own Life!
You are Star of your own Life!
We can all shine together.
