Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Bachelorette

Okay, I admit that I've been sort of watching the Bachelor and the Bachelorette and other such shows sporadically over the years, like many of you, I'm sure.

If a regular series I've been following wraps up for the season such as "Bates Motel" then I may turn on the goggle box to keep me company while I write blogs or cruise Facebook or any other work that isn't writing or editing books. When I write or edit, there can be no TV or music. Just the sound of words on a page. But for everything else, I enjoy background babble so I don't feel so alone. I guess it's like "office noise" for people in real workplaces. I'll often pop into one of those dating reality shows and if things look interesting, I'll hang out for a while, sometimes even for several weeks.

I had the new Bachelorette on in the background the other night. I looked up now and again and saw a shirtless guy, a knight in shining armor, a magician, and a toddler. I didn't know if I was watching Chef Ramsey taking on Medieval Times or what was going on. The bachelors pulled out all the stops. I read a couple of reviews the next day and there were other lures as well that I didn't catch such as a persistent dude wanting to take Des to the Fantasy Room many episodes too early and other such charming moments involving poems, songs, and misguided dance dips.

The scenes I caught during this premiere episode were weird. I had watched Des on one of the other shows but she's so bland I don't remember anything about her. She cries all the time. In the "coming attractions" bit at the end of the show, it seems like everyone gets to burst into tears at some point or another. Really? Dudes! Come on! Whaddup?!

In my experience, dudes that cry like a baby on a regular basis are often Narcissists or Psychopaths. Who wants to hang with one of those? Thanks, Casting People, for hooking up Des with a wack-job.

Even if they are just "sensitive" metrosexuals, there wasn't a single one of those guys I would go on a date with. They were all "good looking" in that pop-culture perfection way. For sure. I will not argue that with anyone. All these young men were hot, hot, hot. Even the biggest geeks were hot! If you had to pick by hotness, it would be a difficult task.

However, the "characters" cast upon them by the writers were disturbing. Especially dude who brought his kid to the party. Come on! Can you imagine if a woman brought her kid on a date on a TV show what people would think? Not...awwww...more like smothering mommy who will always cling to her kid and not give you the time of day.

Plus, now what's going to happen? Since daddy-of-toddler got the FIRST ROSE, now a dangerous new precedent has been set. Soon instead of limos, there will be caravans pulling up, with spawn emerging like spiders bursting from an egg sack to show the new bachelorette how wonderful their lives will be. What about the dude with eight kids from different mommas? What about teenagers? Can they come too?

Oh, my goodness, I hope he doesn't win or this is gonna be a way different show in the future.

Why on earth would they put a little kid on the show? It's ridiculous and takes away the spirit of fairness and fun from the game. I bet the other dads would want to show off their kids too.

Anyway, another thing happened. I read a tweet after the show was over and this tweeter hit the nail on the head.

All through the whole beginning of the show, Des babbled on and cried about how all she ever wanted was a fairy tale romance, a knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet, blahblahblah....

Meanwhile, in the very first episode, she dismissed the knight in shining armor, the magician, and some other creative dudes.

As the twitterer wryly observed, no wonder men can't figure out women!

I doubt I'll be watching much of the Bachelorette this season. I'll likely click in now and again to see if anything happens. I don't like Des, sorry, nothing personal, but she's just not compelling TV for me. The men are creepy metrosexuals and who knows what's going to happen. Where's Jake the narcissistic airline pilot or that dude who tattooed his arm? Maybe some of these guys turn out to be drama beyond crying. What's making everyone cry? Has one been unmasked as Ghostface? Maybe there's a duel!

I wish Millionaires Club was on every night. I'll take vibrant mouthy Patti Stanger any day over milquetoast Des.

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